Help Save Marriage Divorce Is Not The Answer

Are you saying “help save marriage?” Are you at your wit’s end with your spouse, but want to stay married to him or her? Do you feel frustrated because they won’t do the work necessary to help save marriage?

I have a tip for you. If you want to help save marriage, you must be the one to change. Gandhi said “you must be the change you wish to see.” That’s good advice for a marriage. If you put all of the focus on wanting your spouse to change, you’ll miss the one opportunity to save the relationship.

The fact is that you can’t change your spouse. He is what he is. She is what she is. Your spouse is unlikely to change because you ask or threaten them. If they do agree to change, it will not “stick.”

However, all is not lost. If you start to make the positive changes that will help the relationship survive, you will subtly influence your partner to do the same.

This does not mean that you become a doormat. In fact, asserting your needs and fulfilling your desires without your partner may be just what the marriage doctor called for.

For instance, if a stay at home wife is nagging her husband to earn more money when he is satisfied with his job, she’s likely to increase the tension in the home. However, if she takes a part time job or finds a way to make money for the family, it may spur her husband to make more money too.

If a husband wants his wife to lose weight, one of the things he can do is join a gym. As she sees him getting fit, it will encourage her to do the same.

We often fail to see that we must be the change we wish to see.

As we change ourselves, we create space in the relationship to allow the other person to change and grow. Let your spouse have room to make the decisions that you want him or her to make. Don’t nag or belittle them. You can state your needs in such a way that allows your spouse to have options.

Many couples find themselves on the way to separate divorce lawyers because there is nobody who will help save marriage. But, consider going to a pastor instead of an attorney.

Your pastor is committed to the institution of marriage. He can help you work out your differences in a Godly manner. If you really believe in saving your marriage, you will take this option.

But, don’t expect miracles from your pastor. He can only help guide you. Remember, you are the one who is going to have to do the changing. You can only ask your spouse to come along for the ride.

If you truly want to help save marriage, begin with yourself.