Divorce And How It Affects Our Relationships.

Divorce not only has a shattering effect on the couple that are involved, it also has an insidious ripple effect on your whole family, especially your children. This not only affects any future relationships you wish to form but will also affect your children as they grow and start to form relations themselves.

The effects on you: Divorce is never pretty. It affects not only your family but also your whole outlook on life. It means that you will often have to change your entire lifestyle and social life.

The different ways it affects men and women: men and women have a different chemistry. This means that divorces will affect them differently. Often women can be more deeply hurt and be afraid to enter into any meaningful relationship because they do not want to open up old wounds again. They have a terrible fear of being hurt again so do not want to get into a meaningful relationship again. This can frustrate their partners, if they are not aware of the situation.

Socially, even in the West, divorced women have a different status to men. They are often stigmatized by other married women and not trusted. Because of this factor they lose many of their friends when they become divorced. They simply cannot attend functions anymore with families and married women. It is often a painful reminder of what might have been if they had not divorced, so they tend to avoid family gatherings. They also do not want to listen to the endless questions of why the divorce happened.

Men on the other hand are not as affected socially. They are still welcomed by their married friends; after all they are not a threat to anyone. If anything they are just considered an eligible bachelor once again. They can still watch the game with their buddies and may even get some sympathy from them. Although they are of course hurting it is not so deep as a women.


The effects on your children: Children are probably the ones that are most deeply affected by divorce and it will leave lasting scars on them that will continue on into their adult lives. This in turn will affect the way they view and handle relationships. A small baby or toddler may not be very badly affected, as they really will not remember life before the divorce.

However older children and especially teens will be hurt the most. Feelings of guilt can occur, as the child may very well consider that it is somehow their fault their parents split up. This guilt will come in the way of relationships and may even prevent them from forming strong bonds in adulthood. They may all the time be feeling this guilt and feel that they cannot make it in a deep relationship. They may hold back and not want to commit for fear that they will cause the relationship to break apart.

This guilt may spill over into their personality and make them overly subservient to their partner. This can result in a upsetting the balance in the relationship and even abuse. Their partners can very likely take advantage of them and prevent a good supportive relationship.

Divorce can often spark a fear of commitment, as they do not want to be hurt again by splitting up with their partner. This can be very frustrating for the other partner and can even lead to the breakdown of the relationship.

There is still a stigma about divorce: In many countries there is a stigma about divorce and you are ostracized if you are divorced. It is a black mark that you carry around and is particularly bad if you are a woman. As if the pain and hurt of divorce is not enough, society also looks down on you. This makes it almost impossible to form new relationships and certainly ruins your entire life.

In the West it is not as bad and there is certainly life after a divorce. Although divorce is a devastating thing, relationships can be formed again. However you should be aware of the emotions you still may hold about your divorce and try to prevent yourself from being drawn to the same type of partner again and again and having the same problems over and over again.

If you are a product of a divorced family you should always be aware of the emotions that this event has had on you. Sometimes the scars are so bad that professional help might be advised before even attempting to have relationships again. Do not be shy about discussing this issue with a professional councilor, as it will help you to make better choices in the future and form better and lasting relationships.